In Your Head
by MaaraTheDark
Summary: Pansy Parkinson has an unusual aptitude for legilimency, so much so that she has lost control of it. Spending some time in Hermione Granger's mind may change both their worlds forever. Femslash
1. Chapter 1

Title: In Your Head

Pairing: Hermione/Pansy

A/N Reviews, follows, and favs are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy

Chapter 1

The first time I tried a legilimency spell I knew I had found my niche. I was in my second year at Hogwarts when one of my professors, during her exceedingly dull lecture, happened to mention the "legilimens" charm. When I learned how dangerous and powerful it was, well, I just had to give it a try. Millicent, my bestest mate at the time, large as an ox and about as smart as one, volunteered as my lab rat. Or did I volunteer her? I pointed my wand at her face and shouted the incantation with enthusiasm.

"Legilimens!"

Millicent screamed and suddenly my world went black. There before me, as clear as day, was an enticing cake, slathered in white frosting and topped with a bright red cherry. I was in a kitchen of some sort. Just as I took a step forward the world evaporated, returning me to my place in front of Millicent.

"Bloody hell what was that Pansy?" Millicent questioned frantically.

"I, that was wicked! I actually saw inside your mind! Hungry I take it?" I was elated, there was no use hiding it. Stepping outside myself for just a moment felt like a lifetime of freedom. After that I was hooked. I practiced as often as I could on my fellow students, willing or not. Seeing what great fun this was for me, a few second year Slytherins tried their hand at the charm. None of them quite had what it took to get very far. It appeared I had quite the gift for getting inside people's minds.

That was only six years ago. It seems longer. Political strife has that effect on those unfortunate enough to be thrown in its path. Now that the war is over, I am back in the place where it all started: Hogwarts. The eight year, for those of us who missed out on a normal final year. Apparently, our schoolwork for that year doesn't fit with the current curriculum, and if we want credit we have to repeat a year, like simpletons. Most Slytherins from my year chose Durmstrang or the Beauxbatons to finish out their education. I would have as well, were it not for my unusual talent for Legilimency. Once a saving grace, it was now a curse.

"Again!"

I'm wrenched from my reverie, perspiration sliding down my temples. My personal tutor and new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is yelling at me again. His name is Professor Casimiro Dominicus, an elegant chap from Spain. His dark eyes and tan skin make him quite popular with the female students. More than once I've caught them glaring at me jealously as he and I make our way to his classroom after supper. I admit I was quite taken with his handsome features at first. After a solid month of being stuck in a room with him, I've reconsidered.

He is the reason I returned to Hogwarts. Extremely skilled in Legilimency, Professor Dominicus is working with me to control my growing power. As of last year, my ability to enter people's minds has become uncontainable. Concentrating on a person for any length of time can send my consciousness flying into their own without my meaning to. Thankfully, I am skilled enough that they don't realize their mind has been breached, but leaving my body, even for a second, leaves me disoriented. It happened twice during class where I've entered the professor's mind accidentally. When I am not prepared for legilimency I inevitably lose control of my own body. I fell out of my seat both times. Yeah. Embarassing.

"Concentrate Parkinson! I don't do this for my health you know!" Professor Dominicus is growing irritable after only twenty minutes of training.

"I'm sorry! Yes! I know! This is only the tenth time you've mentioned that. Not including the other ten times you told me while I was inside your head!" I shouted back. We always squabble this way. It's a necessary outlet for the extreme tension.

After an hour alone with Damn Dominicus I'm exhausted and head straight to bed. I share my room with only one other Slytherin. Daphne Greengrass and I are the only girls of our year to return to Slytherin house. I stare up at my ceiling thinking about the days events. Lets see. At breakfast I was tripped and called a "fucking Slytherin bitch" by some sixth year Gryffindor twat with hair down to her fanny and a nasal voice. I returned her kindness with an insult of my own. Something to do with her hideous face. At lunch someone, I didn't see who, threw a chicken wing my way. It landed smack dab in my soup, which then splashed on my sleeves. After supper I spent a lovely evening with Damn Dominicus like I do every weeknight.

As I open my eyes to the morning light, I sit straight up in bed with my heart drumming in my chest. Oh no! I forgot that exam in Potions today! After that training session yesterday it completely left my mind! There is no way I can fail that exam. The new Potions master Professor Raine, already thinks I'm not suited to this subject. I jump out of bed and run over to my Potions textbook to cram as best I can. This is impossible.

I feel like a doomed woman as I enter Potions class. Falling onto my stool as if my legs were atrophied, I look around at the faces of the other students. So happy. They all look so annoyingly happy! All except one. Hermione Granger has her head down, an expression of grim concentration on her face. She sits across the room from me. I watch her sometimes out of sheer curiosity. What must it be like to have all the answers? To be so adored? After people heard about her role in defeating the Dark Lord she became an icon of feminine intellect. That's it! Hermione Granger, the bloody Know-it-all of Hogwarts will no doubt be passing this exam. It's settled. I'm going to slip inside that brain of hers and steal the answers. If I can penetrate that bushy hair of hers that is.

I'd considered using legilimency in the past to help me pass classes but never had the nerve to actually go through with it. This year was different. It felt like there was nothing to lose. I prepare to enter Granger's mind by planting my feet firmly on the ground, resting my elbows on the desk, and placing my head in my hands. Here goes nothing.

My field of vision narrows until all that's left is a pinpoint of light. When it expands again I am walking along the footpath to Hogsmeade. My left hand feels warm, and somewhat wet. I look over to see Ronald Weasely holding my hand. He smiles warmly at me.

Ah! I have to get out of here!

After years of trial and error I've learned to navigate through the treacherous terrain of the mind. It's not easy. Everyone's brain is different. Getting to where you want to go can be tricky. I have the general directions. North. South. East. And West. It's the landmarks that differ.

I maneuver my way from Granger's memories to her current state of mind. She's looking at her paper. Yes! This is what I want! My eyes are filled with the correct answers. Thank you Granger. I do my best to commit what I see to memory.

Before I leave my concentration slips a little. Unintentionally, I'm vicariously sensing what she senses. Her body is now mine. She runs her fingertips over her brow slowly. When she shifts her weight her right thigh brushes gently over her left. Her tongue reaches out to her lower lip and she nibbles on it. Now the hand that was on her brow lowers to the nape of her neck. The caress is subtle, almost imperceptible. Her thumb glides up her neck and then back down. Just absent minded movements to her, they are something else entirely to me.

Granger has soft skin.

Shit! I got what I needed. I have to get out of here so I can hurry up and finish my own test.

All goes dark momentarily. When I come to I am back in my own body. I get to work on my test. To keep from attracting suspicion, I purposely put down some incorrect answers. There is a fluttering in my chest. Must be the worry of being caught cheating. I think...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/N Please enjoy! Reviews, follows, favs are always appreciated :)

I got away with it. Not one word, nor even a sidelong glance was sent my way. I was almost as pleased with myself as I was disgusted. It was not my intention to spend a substantial amount of my time inside Granger's brain enjoying the sensations of her body. She is attractive in a way, sure. With those determined brown eyes and surprisingly seductive lips—when they're not moving that is. But I don't care if she had the face of an angel sent from heaven, she's still a mudblood. It's as simple as that. She's beneath me.

She's beneath me. She's a mudblood. I say this to myself repeatedly over the next few days. It's my new mantra. I'm so tempted to get back inside that little Gryffindor skull that I go out of my way to avoid her in hallways and at mealtimes. It was no use trying to sate myself by rummaging through Daphne's head. That brain was so fascinating that I practically fell asleep in there.

So here I am. It smells of dust, ink, and the faintest hint of leather. The library is the refuge of bookworms and loners alike. Granger is the former and me, the latter. I never used to be such an outcast but since the war ended people either avoid me or I avoid them. There are two categories of people in this school: those ashamed to be seen with me and those who wish I was dead. That's why I've come to enjoy spending time in the library. It's a solitary place where people are expected to keep quiet. I fit right in.

Daily, without fail, Granger settles herself down in some dimly lit corner of the stacks. She never has just one book on the table in front of her. It's always at least three. From observing her, one might get the impression piles of books are her bulwark. That she feels herself the princess protected by a fortress of knowledge. What she doesn't know is that a heap of papers can't keep me out. Nothing can.

I try to stay on the opposite end of the library with the rows of books blocking her from my sight. This evening I'm studying for Care of Magical Creatures, a subject I rather like. The sun spills through the window and its heat is like a drug. My eyelids sink and my neck jerks as I try to keep my head from making the book a pillow. I'm lulled into a deep sleep.

_What is that sound?_

_Ugh, really now! Is that snoring? Honestly some people have no business being here._

_Oh. No surprise there. It's Parkinson snoring away in the library. How repulsive I think she's drooling on that book! Enough!_

"Hey! Wake up Parkinson! The library isn't for sleeping it's for reading in case you weren't aware."

Where am I? I open my eyes and pull my head up to see Granger standing over me, hands on her hips. After I'm upright, she rolls her eyes and strolls off, satisfied that I am no longer her problem. It dawns on me that the dream I had before I awoke was not a dream at all but Granger's thoughts. This is getting bad. I can't even sleep near people now?

The sun and its warmth have disappeared. How long was I asleep? I have a session with Dominicus tonight. I look over at the wall clock and see it's a good half hour into our scheduled time already. I'm going to catch hell for this tomorrow.

But really what does it matter? It's not as though he is helping very much. I'm obviously getting worse. In a state of increasing agitation I shove my book across the table and it flops noisily to the floor. This life no longer feels as though it belongs to me. Held captive by this school and now my own body. I'm on the brink of crying and I couldn't care less who sees. With how much hate people have for me what's one more public disgrace? Add it to my bill then get in line with all the others waiting to collect.

And now the tears are rolling down my cheeks. I'm sniffling like a petulant toddler who didn't get its way. The absurdity of it all crashes down on me and I end up laughing. I must be quite the sight right now. A complete nutter.

I'm suddenly aware I indeed do have an audience. Hermione Granger is back to set things right yet again. It's obvious from her raised eyebrows and slack jaw that she wasn't expecting to see me like this. We both say nothing. She bends gracefully at the knees to pick up the book from the floor but never takes her eyes off mine. Maybe she's afraid I've really gone off my rocker. I want to know what she's thinking.

Without pause I'm hurtling out of my own head and into hers.

There is a bright flash of light. The sun blinds me for a moment as my eyes adjust. I'm in Granger's skin as she walks along a Hogwarts courtyard. Suddenly she's falling and the books she was carrying go scattering across the earth. She pushes herself up carefully and brushes pieces of dirt and grass off her robes. Then I hear it. Obnoxious laughter at her back—my own. She turns around to face a younger version of myself.

This must have taken place first year judging by how young I look. My younger self is wearing a smug expression and giggling proudly. "Have a little accident there Granger? Oh no did your wittle books get hurt?" She shouts this loudly to be sure passers by hear it. Then she swivels to her friends and says, "Those books are her only friends you see. We have to be careful not to damage them or wittle Gwanger will be aww awone." Wow. Was I really that annoying? More laughter echoes in my head as I enter a new memory.

Granger is in her dorm room alone. She has a book opened in her lap and is flipping through pages. The words begin to blur as tears form in her eyes. Surprisingly, I feel rather uncomfortable witnessing this and decide not to intrude. I make my way back to myself. Her world melts into darkness.

When I come back to myself I am still seated but my eyes are no longer on Granger. I look around for her and see she's sat down at the table just across from me. She seems to be reading her book but occasionally throws a covert peek my way. Should I? No I shouldn't but I will anyway. Back into the wittle Gryffindor brain I go!

_What in the world is wrong with her? I've never seen her act so queer. I should keep an eye on her just in case it's some kind of hex or something. Wouldn't be surprising. She won't be winning any popularity contests this year that's for sure. I almost feel bad for her. How ironic is that? I feel pity because of how alone she must feel. Should I ask her what's wrong? No, I doubt she would spill her guts to a low muggleborn like me. Should just get back to work really. Even if she needed help she certainly wouldn't want it from me._

I stop listening to her thoughts because it's too painful. There's a war being waged in my heart but I'm not sure which side I'm on. Part of me yearns to talk to her, to spill my guts, to listen to her advice, and to hear her comforting words. The other half of me loathes her on principle and even more so hearing that she pities me. I feel sick with all the emotion. I have to get out of here. As I rush out of my seat black splotches cloud my vision and my legs give out from under me. The library floor slams into my face. All goes black.

I'm awoken by loud screaming and bolt upright in bed. Apparently they brought me to the hospital wing when I passed out in the library. A third year boy obviously broke something in a tumble off his broom and is now wailing a couple beds over. After a mandatory lecture on nutrition and hydration Madam Pomfrey allows me to leave. I head to my dorm room for the night.

I can't keep my mind off that damned mudblood! The lack of control is so foreign to me considering it was my mental strength that kept my ability hidden all this time. After breaking into the art of legilimency at a young age I learned quickly that not only was this gift highly coveted, but it was also often banned. The second I developed the skill to penetrate minds without disturbing the owner I kept my legilimency secret, even and especially from my own family. They are the most conniving lot you ever hope to meet! I certainly wasn't going to give up my edge to them. It was only toward the end of last year, when my skills came unhinged that I revealed myself to anyone. Professor McGonagall, now Headmaster, was someone I trusted not to tell my secret and who would help. As far as I'm aware she delivered on keeping stumm but only time will tell whether she's helped.

In the mean time I do enjoy using legilimency on unsuspecting victims (an act explicitly forbidden by McGonagall) such as Granger. Today I've really hit the jackpot! I happened to see Granger and Weaslett walking hand-in-hand down towards the Shrieking Shack and followed at a far distance. They found a secluded spot for the purposes of snogging. I knew I was bordering on voyeuristic but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

I'm in Granger's mind now. I roam through it until I locate her current thoughts, an easy task since I've been here before. She's kissing the git's unfortunately large, watery mouth. Ugh! He's really not very good at this.

_Mm...ehh—I wish he'd stop trying that trick it's really not a turn on. Okay...mauling my boob again—kind of hurts. Oww! Should I tell him that isn't sexy? No. No his ego is much too fragile I guess I just need to take control like always._

Ha ha! Oh what a kick! Now she's grabbing his big white paws and moving them from her breasts and placing them on her hips. He doesn't seem to notice but keeps gnawing at her face like ravenous badger. Her mind starts to wander…

_I wonder if we finish up here in ten if I can get in a quick read in the library? Need a breath—uh ahh there that's better. If Parkinson's there I have to get a seat near her. She has been so bizarre lately, not at all her usual self. Even her appearance has changed. She always used to have that ridiculous short bob but now her hair is longer, wilder, in kind of a just fucked way it looks good. What am I saying this is Parkinson we're talking about! And oh...no, no, no this will not do—_

"No Ron we can't." Hermione pleads.

"Aww c'mon babe I—," he mumbles incoherently against her mouth, "I really love you. And you are so beautiful…"

"I love you too but—okay no Ron put it away! Not here for Merlin's sake!"

Ah ha! This is too much fun I have to leave before I start laughing so hard they hear! Her world fades out of my vision and light dilates the pupils of my own eyes. With my hand covering my snickering mouth I creep away. Without realizing it I'm heading toward the library and a guilty hope that she will meet me there in ten lingers in my mind.

I'm not disappointed. She strides into the library, head held high even if her hair is slightly mussed, and scans the room for me. When her eyes meet mine I make no attempt to hide my blatant staring. I nod my head and gesture for her to take a seat in the booth across from me. Her expression is priceless: a mixture of surprise, suspicion, and possibly excitement. She makes furtive glances about the library to see who might be watching and then walks over to take a seat with me.

"Well, this is unexpected," she says with her normal tone of disdain. "What is it you want?"

"No need to be so rude," I respond playfully. I feel like a cat toying with a mouse and I like it. "I just thought we might have a chat about what occurred yesterday. You see I had low blood sugar is all and that's why I fainted. Madam Pomfrey told me you were the one who got help for me so I want to thank you for that." I watched her brows lift slightly as her defenses came down.

"I, uh, well yes I did and you're welcome. But...look I know it's none of my business but the look on your face before you fainted told me there was something more going on than low blood sugar. And before you deny it I just want you to know that if you feel like talking about it, I'm willing to listen. I mean…" She paused for a moment and looked at me warily. Her eyes were glistening with feeling but I couldn't tell what the emotion was. Normally I wouldn't hesitate to enter her head but I had to stay present in this moment or she would become suspicious.

"Yes? Go ahead." I encouraged softly.

"I will be blunt. We don't like each other. Never have. That's not news. But I can see how much trouble you have been getting this year. I can see you're sad. I know how that feels. Call me a softy or an idiot or whatever but I've never liked seeing anyone abused. Even you. So if you want to talk about things or anything don't be afraid to ask me. You don't have to worry about me hexing you."

"Really? I'm surprised you would offer that after what I did to Potter." I answered her polite offer without hostility or gratitude. This really wasn't the direction I had expected her to take and I didn't know yet what I wanted from her.

"Yes. Well that really was a shit thing you did but the war is over. We won. And if we ever want to move on we have to forgive those kinds of things. If you want forgiveness that is." She looked up from behind her dark lashes and waited for a response. Damn, I was hoping it was a rhetorical question.

"I, I'll be honest with you I'm not really sure what I want right now. Can I have some time to think about it?" Woah, that was not the direction I was expecting myself to take either! I just asked Granger's permission for something? What...the...hell.

"Yeah. Yes absolutely take your time." Granger's face lit up with hope. She must think she is saving a soul or something. With a sigh and a shrug that signaled the end of our conversation she got up and walked away. Before she got further than three feet I was back inside her head.

_Wow that went better than I thought it would. She might actually talk to me. Or maybe this is some sort of twisted way of setting me up? Hmmm, I will have to tread carefully with her. I can't let my guard down. Well let's get back to work shall we? Now I was on volume three chapter nine…_

I'm growing bored with her thoughts but don't want to leave yet. The vivid memory of being one with her senses comes back to me in a flash. Again I become her body's passenger.

She is seated comfortably in her booth as her fingertips flip the page. Her right hand is holding her head up as she reads and her tongue brushes back and forth against the roof of her mouth. I feel the gentle rub of her breast against her blouse as she breathes. Lust fogs my thoughts and now I'm imagining what it would feel like if she decided to put her left hand through her collar and beneath her bra. Her soft fingertips moving over her nipple. And now I'm imagining—

I wrench myself from her mind with fervent speed and the force throws my head backwards against the stack of books behind me. It all happened so fast! I realized with horror that while I was in her mind my imaginings mutated into mind control and she was actually putting her own hand through her shirt to touch her breast!

My head hurts and I reach back to touch the soon-to-be bump. I look over at Granger from the corner of my eye and see her yank her hand out of her shirt. Her mouth is open, eyes wide, cheeks bright red with humiliation as she looks about the library wildly. Shit! Shit! There is hardly anyone else here but me! She's bound to figure out I was the one controlling her mind! Just when I thought this nightmare of a life could not get any worse!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Thanks for the follows, favs, and reviews! Next chapter should be longer.

Chapter 3

I chew nervously at my non-existent nails. The Great Hall is bustling with activity but I don't see Granger anywhere, and with what happened last night I have to know what she is thinking. Does she know it was me? No. How could she? There were at least five other students in the vicinity at the time and I seriously doubt she has pegged me for a lady-lover, let alone one with a gift for mind control. No. No, she can't know.

Just as I give up my search I spot her entering the hall with her two boy-toys in tow. It's immediately apparent she told them. Potter's eyes are darting about, face serious, and I can tell he is looking for anyone suspicious. Weaslette is even worse. He looks like he just swallowed a slug, again, and his shoulders are hunched forward in a macho stance that screams "Stay away from my woman!". Really, I don't understand why she picked that ginger git; he is so transparent. My dog Liza is harder to read and she has a grand total of three thoughts: food, sleep, and play.

I do my best to keep my head down or towards Daphne, who is rattling on about the sexy new Quidditch player with the big biceps. I could care less and she knows it. The sad part is, she's my closest friend right now and I hate her. She hates me too. Our relationship is a series of one-sided conversations in which one of us pretends to give a shit about the other. If anybody is watching they would think us the best of chums, but it's just a well choreographed dance of lies. We need each other to make it work and for now, it's the best either of us has got so we don't complain. Not aloud anyway.

After breakfast I head to my first class of the day, which thankfully does not include Granger or her bodyguards. I have a chance to relax for a moment before the real work begins. Damage control is always such a bitch. It won't be the first time mind reading has gotten me into trouble. Once I made the foolish choice to enter my mother's mind, a terrifying place. I was shown the image of her recent adultery. Very traumatic. No one knew about it but me, and so when she casually mentioned her visit to the city for some shopping my grunt of disbelief was a red flag to her. That was a real mess to clean up.

I have the feeling this will be worse. Granger is like a dog with a bone when she sets her mind to something. I've seen it year after year in class. She won't let this drop until she has discovered and punished the culprit to her satisfaction. It's going to be tough but I will say this, at least I'm no longer wallowing in self-pity. That was becoming a bore.

After spending all day avoiding or ignoring Granger I make my way to the library. I don't want to but it's become habit and to not do so would be suspicious. I sit in my usual spot and begin to work on some overdue course work. It's a little later than normal when Granger walks in slowly, cautiously. She's studying the room's occupants, taking a mental count of the presences and absences like roll call. Present!

I try my best to ignore her but my muscles freeze up as I see her black shoes stepping my way. Oh, shite. She can't have figured it out already! I keep my eyes on the book in front of me as she takes a seat on the opposite side of my table. Reluctantly, I look up to meet her gaze with as much indifferent annoyance as possible.

"Uh? Need something?" I ask.

She hesitates for a moment. The dark eyes are studying my expression, waiting for the slightest flicker of guilt. "I was just going to ask you if you had decided yet."

"Decided? Decided what?"

"If you want forgiveness. If you want to talk." Her voice is flat.

"Oh," I try to maintain composure under her unwavering stare, "Yeah I have given it some thought." But I hadn't. I'm fumbling for words and as they come I surprise myself yet again. "I'd like to take you up on your offer. For both that is."

"Really?" Her eyes widen slightly. "Well that's good then. If you want we can meet up tonight. Have a little chat."

I don't need to read her mind to know that this is some kind of set up. What does she have up her sleeve? "Yeah that's fine. Middle courtyard at eight?"

"By the tree." She says succinctly as she gets up.

I nod dumbly, watching her walk away, wondering what the hell I just agreed to. How is this getting so out of control so fast? I need to regain the upper hand. But how? It only takes me a couple seconds to come to the same solution I have since second year: legilimency.

Granger has already made her exit, wanting to get away from whomever mentally violated her I'm sure. Is that what that was? A violation? Probably, but what does it matter; it's not like I care about her feelings or anything. She's just a fun distraction from my gloomy life, nothing more. She's beneath me. She's a mudblood. She's beneath me...

And so on and so forth...

What am I going to wear tonight?

It is getting near to eight and I'm nervous. My stupid hands won't stop trembling. They don't understand there's no reason for me to be scared because I've taken a few precautions. First, I am getting there a half an hour early to scope the place out for any traps. Second, I plan to enter her thoughts quickly before I meet with her to see if she has tricks up her sleeve. Third, I've dressed as nondescript as I could to keep myself looking bored. And lastly, I've brushed up on my immobulus charm in case things go south and I need to make a quick escape.

As I walk along the outer edge of the courtyard I see she is already there. Damn it! She has arrived half an hour early as well. That damn, bloody know-it-all. And it appears she is also on the lookout for anything suspicious. Her eyebrows are pinched in concentration, her back is against the wall, and one hand is hidden under her beige cardigan. Like it isn't totally obvious she's fondling her wand under there.

She thinks me dumb…well everyone does. That's fine. That's how I want it. I learned from Mother, who never had to work a day in her life because she gets others to take care of her by acting stupid. If people think you inept it always gives you the edge. The element of surprise. Granger is book-smart but I'm street-smart, and to be blunt, being book-smart won't get her nearly as far as she thinks. She'd probably do better using that pretty face and perfectly toned body.

She's already caught sight of me so it's too late to enter her thoughts. I will just need to be careful. Let her do most of the talking. Yes, that's good. I don't want to give anything away.

"Hey," I say. I yawn.

"Hey," she says. Then she pulls her hand into view. No wand in it. There is an awkward silence while we try and figure out what to say, who gets to say it, and with what tone.

I start, because I hate dead air. "So...let's go sit by the tree."

She nods and we take a seat at the base of the tree. There aren't many students around at this time of night and I'm grateful. She probably is too. Last thing we need it to be distracted by hecklers. We're going toe-to-toe in a battle of the wits. I can sense her sizing me up, looking for my weaknesses and strengths.

This should be fun.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Thanks for reading as always. Hope you enjoy. Love to get feedback.

Chapter 4

"Why?" Granger says. She looks at me dead on and the fury in her eyes is almost tangible. I worry she might reach out and choke me. Goyle let it slip about how she punched Draco in the face so I know what she's capable of.

"Why, what?" I say. Playing dumb is my best option until she has incontrovertible proof I'm guilty. Deny. Deny. Deny.

"You know what!" There's a vein bulging on her forehead and I'm tempted to tell her about it. "What you did in the library!"

"What? Fall asleep? Sorry I didn't know it bothered you so much!" I try sounding indignant. Really, to play this off right I should be angrier and stalk off but I just can't bring myself to do it. "I thought you were here to forgive me and talk, not to yell at me."

That cools her down a bit. She is definitely a softy. I realize that it's her weakness, one that is easily exploitable especially for a gifted actress such as myself. All I need to do is play the victim and she's all mine...In the strict sense of being at my mercy that is.

With hurt in my face I slowly stand, "Nevermind. We can't be friends, it was a stupid idea anyway. Sorry to waste your time."

"Wait," she says and I try to hide my grin. It's all in her eyes. She's considering the option that maybe I'm not the culprit after all, that maybe she made a mistake. I knew she didn't have any proof. I called her bluff and now she's feeling all guilty. Ha! My experience in mind reading pays off even when I'm no longer in people's heads because I still remember how they think. Or…

Or…

Or maybe I'm losing control of it again. Please no. Please let this be simple intuition. This is not the time or place to be losing control of my legilimency. Even though I sit back down I don't look her way. Think of something else. Anything else. Take your mind off Granger or…or else…

Too late…

I sense myself losing my grip on the sensation of my body. It falls away like a dream.

The feeling of the earth shifting under me, the tightness of the skirt around my waist, and a change in my body temperature. That's bizarre. She's literally warmer than me. I can feel the heat emanating from her body—my body—in waves. Oh no this isn't good. Fuck.

It's a new feeling. More evidence that my condition is getting worse not better. All of the previous times I've entered people's minds I leave my own body behind, lose awareness of it. It remains motionless waiting for me to return, with the tiniest hint of awareness so that if anything extreme happens to my body I would still sense it. But now I find myself split in two: my body sensations are hers but from the neck up the sensations are rooted in my own body. It feels almost like I'm paralyzed because without feeling I have no control.

I must look strange because she begins staring at me.

"Is something wrong?" she asks with concern.

"No, fine, just...um...have a muscle cramp is all."

"Oh. Where is it?"

"My neck."

I use the time she's inspecting my neck to frantically attempt to extricate my mind from hers, part of it anyway. And, out! Get out! It's no use. Shit. What am I gonna do? I can't sit here forever!

"It's still there?" Her voice goes up an octave. She's afraid for my safety. When I decided to play the victim to gain her trust this is NOT what I had in mind.

"Yes it—uh, please get Pomfrey or McGonagall."

"It's that bad? What—"

"Yes! Why all the bloody questions? Just get them!"

My testiness backfires.

"You don't have a cramp you liar! I don't know what you're trying to pull but we're going to the Headmistress directly so I can tell her all about the incident in the library."

Without a hint of the tenderness she showed earlier she grabs my arm and pulls, hard. I watch my body fall forward in a hideously clumsy fashion, my arms folding under my chest and my legs stubbornly remaining in their crosslegged position. My chest is on the wet grass along with my cheek. I imagine I look like someone who had five too many butterbeers at the Hog's Head.

I can feel Hermione's heart drumming away. "What on earth?" she screams. She's either angry or terrified but now that my only view is of the green lawn I can't tell which. This is horrifying. Potentially the worst day of my life and that's including the one where Draco dumped me like heap of garbage after the war ended. _Not open minded enough_, he said. The fucking hypocrite. After the war he had a kind of spiritual awakening or some such nonsense.

"Now will you get Pomfrey or McGonagall!" I scream back. Hysteria is taking over. If I could feel my own heart I'm sure it would outpace Hermione's. More than embarrassment I feel the overwhelming fear that this affliction is going to end my life, my physical one that is. It's already destroyed my social one.

"Okay! Hold on! I'll get someone."

_Crunch, crunch, crunch._ The sound of her footsteps fade off into the distance. I'm alone in my severed head. But I do have Hermione's body to keep me company. I can feel it running down a flight of stairs, and left, and opening a door, and stopping. Her hands start moving about, gesturing to somebody her need of assistance.

One lonely student walks by, staring at me, I can see him out of the corner of my eye.

"Piss off will you!"

He giggles and darts away, probably eager to gather all of his friends to bear witness to the spectacle that is me. I'm hoping Granger comes back soon. Really hoping she comes to save me from this predicament. Stranger and stranger. What next? I fall in love with that mudblood? Ha! Now that is truly ridiculous. At least that won't happen.

I become aware of the sounds of footsteps coming my way. It's Hermione, the sensations and sounds are a match. About time.

"There she is. I don't know what's wrong with her but she said she had a cramp in her neck and then I tried to pull her up and she fell forward. She's obviously completely paralyzed." Hermione explains in her best teacher's pet voice. It's proud, as if it had been her plan all along to be present for this disaster so she could save me from it.

"Thank you Miss Granger I can handle it from here." A man's voice. Damn Dominicus. Uh oh.

"Should I get Pomfrey?"

"No. I can fix this." He lifts me from the ground, cradling me in his arms while my head hangs limply, staring down at his well-polished shoes.

It's excruciatingly painful: The lecture from Dominicus that follows. While he goes on and on about responsibility and being reckless I try my best to focus on Granger's body. It's sitting for awhile, probably reading, and then it walks to the dining hall where it consumes a surprisingly large meal. I resent that I experience the discomfort of being too full without the pleasure of tasting the food. How does she manage to keep in shape? Eating like this and sitting reading books all day? Wish I had her body...Oh yeah...I do.

Finally I'm left alone as Dominicus leaves to prepare some ingredients for a spell. He says this will help ground me in my own body. I ask why he never used it on me before, in our lessons he never once even mentioned such a spell. Before he leaves he mumbles something about the situation not having been "extreme enough to warrant it". That's comforting.

I'm waiting patiently. Lying on my back on a desk in his office. How scandalous this would be if any of the girls saw. But no one will at this time of night, so I let myself relax.

Granger is moving about. Hands going to her hips and through her thick hair. What's this? She's starting to unbutton her blouse? I sincerely hope this is all her doing this time. Can't get caught with my hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. But I can't help noticing every sensation. As her top falls away the cool night air buffets her back and it feels nice. I wonder if she thinks it feels nice. She must. And now she moves her hands down to her skirt and slides it down her hips. It snags a little on her underwear and pulls it down a couple inches. Another breeze of cool air.

I'm fascinated by her body. I pay close attention to every nuance as if my life depended on it. It's purely intellectual curiosity I think. My body's lower half isn't here to tell me otherwise so I prefer to think of it as platonic interest. After all she is beneath me. And if I'm stuck with her body I might as well learn something.

It's when she settles nude into a hot bath that I can no longer deny the fact that I'm attracted to her body. From the inside out. I can feel her blood rise to the surface trying to cool itself off. Her muscles begin to relax and I realize how tense she's been the whole time. What a pain it must be to be so guarded at all times, ready to take action, save the world. Her pulse hits a slow rhythm that is contagious. I find my own mind begin to quiet.

Now she's washing her body with soap, a muggle soap I can tell. But I don't mind that too much. I'm just glad she decided to use her own hands to rub it into her skin so I can feel that too. Her neck, sudsed up. Along her collarbone and delicate shoulders. Down her arms. Then her breasts. I can feel that her nipples are hard but she isn't aroused, I can sense that too. As her hands travel south between her legs I begin to wish I could feel my own body's excitement.

I'm disappointed that she doesn't linger too long on any of the best pleasure points. It's all business down there. Washing and rinsing. None of the fun stuff that is all I can think about. I'd really love to—

"Okay I have all the necessary chemical elements to help coax you back to your own body." Dominicus. Ruining a great moment. The thought alone causes my body to sigh in exasperation.


End file.
